Despite the messages women get from television highlighting the wonders of multiple births by modern technology, the truth of the matter is that becoming pregnant by intrauterine insemination (IUI) or invitro fertilization (IVF) does not come easy. And the effects of the failure to do so can be devastating. Because of the perception that women can wait longer to get pregnant due to modern techniques, many women find themselves childless, and not by choice.
For lesbians, either single or partnered, the use of technology may be the only option open to them and the tendency is to wait until life is settled and money plentiful to begin the process. And here in beautiful British Columbia, as in every province and likely country, money needs to be plentiful to turn a lesbian's dream of having a child into a reality. The procedure for lesbians to move forward towards achieving pregnancy requires not only much money, but much patience. Of course, to save money, the so-called 'turkey baster option' using a friend as sperm donor may be an option, but that can open up a whole set of new issues not for discussion here.
The decision to have a child begins the long journey that hopefully culminates in motherhood. But once the decision is made, where to go from there? There are so many questions about how, why, where and often not all family doctors are familiar with the how-to for lesbian parents. As family doctors are hard to come by in British Columbia, it may not be possible to find one who is in tune with the specific needs of lesbians.
The following are the simple steps to take for a lesbian in BC who wants to have a baby.
Gather Information About IUI
Decision time - you or you and your partner have decided you want to have a baby. Discussion has taken place about which partner will carry the baby. Talk to friends who have been through the process and garner as much information as possible.
Referral to Fertility Clinic
Inform your doctor of the decision and get a referral to one of the fertility clinics. If no doctor's referral is obtained, it is possible to make an appointment without a referral in some cases but a fee will likely be incurred. Review the websites of each of the clinics offering fertility treatments so you are knowledgeable and not just relying on the doctor to pick for you. There are a number of options available and it seems that more fertility clinics are opening up, recognising the growing need for fertility options in our vibrant, alternative community.
Consult Fertility Specialist
Wait for the referral to come through and then attend the consultation armed with all the questions you can think of. It is mandatory to attend a counselling session to assess readiness for parenthood - supposedly it is mandatory for all couples, opposite-sex and same-sex. The mother-to-be will be required to do a lot of bloodwork on specific days of her cycle, and the partner will also require a certain degree of testing mainly around possible infections that can be passed between partners.
Choosing a Donor
Choose a donor. Although sperm can be acquired from the US, it is a lot more expensive than buying 'local', that being Toronto. Repromed and Xytex are two locations to acquire donor sperm. More information on donors can be requested that includes hobbies, family medical history, education and so on. Order the sperm donor of your choice and the samples will be shipped to the fertility clinic chosen by you. The cost of the sperm runs about $1200-$1500 for three samples.
Nurses Perform IUI at Hospital or Clinic
By now, you should be familiar with ovulation tracking and when ready for your first try, contact the clinic on the day your LH test is positive and set up the IUI for the next day. The clinic will have the sperm ready to go. Have the IUI done and then wait... the hardest part. Depending on each woman's situation, an ultrasound may be ordered to ensure the body is ready for the insemination.
Am I Pregnant Yet?
This is a simplified schedule of what is an in depth and very expensive process and a potentially very frustrating experience. There are so many emotional moments: when the IUI doesn't work (the success rate percentages are surprisingly low), if the 'guy' you want isn't available, if you miss your ovulation day, and so on. But the important thing is to stay positive, to accept there will be highs and lows, and keep the faith together with your partner. Keep in mind the end goal.....but don't forget to nurture your own relationship during the journey. You will need each other during the process and most certainly after, whether bringing up baby together or if the end result is childless, not by choice.
Lorah Delaney - Lorah is a native of Vancouver, British Columbia. She has a degree in Physical Education from the University of British Columbia and a ...
